The Art of Debate

I find it kind of funny the moment we seem to disagree with someone we automatically have to start stating our point of view and debating with the other thinking it will change their mind. How often does that happen?

I’m an avoider of conflict. I prefer when everyone is in happy unison and we can all get along. Or at the very least, get over ourselves and just let issues go. However having said, I have had people very intensely, very firmly state their opinion to me thinking the louder they are the more likely it is to change my mind. Honestly, in those situations all I want to do is quickly end the conversation and move on elsewhere and I plan on keeping the opinions I once had. Those methods have never worked to change my mind.

The thing that would change my mind about issues is just regular conversation and someone brings up something and says what happened to them and why they believe what they do. It’s the real conversations. In these conversations I can sit quietly by and empathize with the person and then go home and reflect on what they said. Once I do the reflecting and rethinking it is then that I may change my opinion a little bit to what it once was.

Reading is another way I change my opinions. Its gentle and I can read and either disagree about something or reflect as to reasons why to agree.

The other thing that changes my opinion on issues is experience. I have had many opinions about the way things are going to be (parenthood for example) only to find once in it, it’s not the way I thought it would be. Experience is a good teacher.

And of course there is God changing my heart about something. That would be the final piece. I have often found in situations me speaking up does not do a world of good. However when I go home and take it to prayer and come back to these situations, I am more than amazed how things have changed. That’s exterior, but I do know that it has happened in my life as well by others praying for me.

So I do have opinions and sometimes want to beat them over someone else’s head to change their mind. But then I have to step back and realize that if that does not work for me, perhaps it is not going to work for them either. Intense situations are never the way to go. Gentleness and prayer are. As Proverbs 15:15 says – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Plus I need to realize, what is the real goal for me to change people’s mind? Is it so they think like me? So they will see how right I am? Is it to prove how wrong they were? Or is it to have them see things from a different point of view and adjust their mind frame accordingly?

Sometimes we get so focused on our opinion stance we forget to give compassion towards the person who we are giving our opinion to. If we are giving our opinion to them about a certain situation, we sometimes should step back and offer compassion first. Our opinions are really not all that important compared to a person.

Since none of us know everything, it is good if we can still learn and not get so hard headed. It’s also good to not think that everyone is wrong about everything all the time. We need to have a soft heart and learn to filter in what we need to learn and filter out what we need to discard.