Ideal Family

I have heard that folks live longer in a HAPPY marriage (guess they die sooner if they are not in one from being so miserable), however I think that if I don’t live longer on earth than I get to go to Heaven sooner so that’s a blessing really. I do realize that we are on this earth however long God decides.

It would be nice to have a spouse to chat with and do things with and be compatible with. However for some reason God has not deemed that yet. I guess when I really felt the blessing/curse of being single is when I started the process of adopting as a single. I met some folks whose idealism of a family was not meshing with what I was pursuing and they were more than willing to express that opinion with me.

Now to be clear I’m not one of those women who decided at such and such an age if I am not married I am going to adopt so that way I can still have kids. Adoption was something placed upon my heart many years ago that I was going to pursue whether single or married (needed to find the right partner if I was going to do it married).

The big thing I heard was that I was not married and the child would not have a father and therefore I should not adopt. Ok I understand where they were coming from. I agree that the best situation for a child is a STABLE mother and STABLE father. Agreed. However, I also do believe that ONE STABLE parent is better than two unstable parents, one unstable parent, or no parent at all. Now that I have my daughter I have discussed with my sister how I would rather have no male influence in her life than a negative one. Thankfully she has a wonderful Grandpa, fantastic uncles and strong men in our church who can give her the positive male influence she needs – obviously not to the degree of have a STABLE, POSITIVE influence from a father, but it is something. I do realize my daughter does need strong male role models in her life so she can get a clear picture of what to look for in a mate.

Which as of lately I have found the opinion of only two parent families being the only way to go interesting. What about the single parent who lost their spouse due to a death? The one who left because of some kind of abuse was happening? Or perhaps their spouse just left the marriage because they wanted a new life? What then, do we condemn these single parents?

With being told this, I felt like because I was a single parent God could not use me in a certain way. I have realized this is simply not true. My singleness is not a disability or a hindrance. Sure there are things that I struggle with that married people may not, but I also do know that married people struggle with things that I simply do not have to worry about.

It is hard doing it by myself, but I’ve heard it’s hard even with two parents. A married couple need to unify when it comes to raising and disciplining their children. I can just do it with how I think is best (obviously I pray about it and seek counsel, but in the end I can do what I think is best).  So perhaps that is a struggle they may have more than I. I have the struggle of not having someone step up and help and having the financial burden fall solely on my shoulders.

As parents we all need help and support of others. None of us can go about it alone. But in doing so, I think we should not condemn any families for not being “ideal” as they are already well aware.