Food for Thought

Recently I have been hearing the needs of some developing countries. Yes I know there is need here too in our developed country, but being in a developing country just has a different layer to it. In our country we do have financial aids to help if the need ever did arise. We do have people in our country who have a poverty mentality, but that seems more prevalent in a developing country. What I mean by a poverty mentality is that a person thinks in such a limited way that they are really hurting their chance to improve their situation.

But the ones that truly break my heart are the kids who do not have a choice. God has made them so they need to be dependent on adults to supply their basic needs. I watch my daughter and see how she expects food to be there simply because she knows me enough I will feed her. She doesn’t worry about the lack of finances and waiting for the next cheque to come in before going grocery shopping. She just relies on me to take of care of it. And this is how it should be.

But there are far too many children who have been neglected, abandoned and orphaned who do not have that adult to supply their needs. And not only their physical needs, but their emotional and spiritual as well.

When I see how these little ones are hurt in such a way it makes me appreciate my situation and want to help them all the more. You see as an adult I am supposed to be concerned about where the food is going to come from (or at least the money that will buy it). I am motivated to get up every morning to work so I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, running water, electricity and heat. Those are just the essentials and I know I take care of way more than just the essentials. However these little ones who have to fend for themselves or have an institution or structure to provide it for them, it just creates traits in a child that they should not have.  At the very least they are missing their childhood, and at the very most they are in survival mode with many other issues in between.

The institutions and structures who are sincerely trying to help these kids and eventually get them into a proper healthy family structure are definitely ones I support. Perhaps these are not the best for the kids, but at least something is being done. And that is why it breaks my heart all the more when these institutions who are trying to help these kids also experience many financial constraints, spiritual constraints and emotional constraints…many who sometimes do not see any hope of change in the near future (or distant future).

For the most part I do not have to worry about where the next cheque is coming from. They are lined up. I have opportunities here that others in developing countries may never see. I do not have certain obstacles that others have to continually face on a regular basis. And seeing that God has blessed me in a different way definitely does not want me to sit idly by. I desire to continually ask where God can use me. Be it here or wherever He has in mind. He obviously placed each and every one of us here for a reason.

Ideal Family

I have heard that folks live longer in a HAPPY marriage (guess they die sooner if they are not in one from being so miserable), however I think that if I don’t live longer on earth than I get to go to Heaven sooner so that’s a blessing really. I do realize that we are on this earth however long God decides.

It would be nice to have a spouse to chat with and do things with and be compatible with. However for some reason God has not deemed that yet. I guess when I really felt the blessing/curse of being single is when I started the process of adopting as a single. I met some folks whose idealism of a family was not meshing with what I was pursuing and they were more than willing to express that opinion with me.

Now to be clear I’m not one of those women who decided at such and such an age if I am not married I am going to adopt so that way I can still have kids. Adoption was something placed upon my heart many years ago that I was going to pursue whether single or married (needed to find the right partner if I was going to do it married).

The big thing I heard was that I was not married and the child would not have a father and therefore I should not adopt. Ok I understand where they were coming from. I agree that the best situation for a child is a STABLE mother and STABLE father. Agreed. However, I also do believe that ONE STABLE parent is better than two unstable parents, one unstable parent, or no parent at all. Now that I have my daughter I have discussed with my sister how I would rather have no male influence in her life than a negative one. Thankfully she has a wonderful Grandpa, fantastic uncles and strong men in our church who can give her the positive male influence she needs – obviously not to the degree of have a STABLE, POSITIVE influence from a father, but it is something. I do realize my daughter does need strong male role models in her life so she can get a clear picture of what to look for in a mate.

Which as of lately I have found the opinion of only two parent families being the only way to go interesting. What about the single parent who lost their spouse due to a death? The one who left because of some kind of abuse was happening? Or perhaps their spouse just left the marriage because they wanted a new life? What then, do we condemn these single parents?

With being told this, I felt like because I was a single parent God could not use me in a certain way. I have realized this is simply not true. My singleness is not a disability or a hindrance. Sure there are things that I struggle with that married people may not, but I also do know that married people struggle with things that I simply do not have to worry about.

It is hard doing it by myself, but I’ve heard it’s hard even with two parents. A married couple need to unify when it comes to raising and disciplining their children. I can just do it with how I think is best (obviously I pray about it and seek counsel, but in the end I can do what I think is best).  So perhaps that is a struggle they may have more than I. I have the struggle of not having someone step up and help and having the financial burden fall solely on my shoulders.

As parents we all need help and support of others. None of us can go about it alone. But in doing so, I think we should not condemn any families for not being “ideal” as they are already well aware.  

Hope

I’ve noticed how much the word hope is used. I’m not sure if there are more uses of it or perhaps I’m just paying attention to it more. There are the tv shows and movies with the word Hope in them. I’ve also noticed organizations with the word hope in them. Why is that?

I’ve even used it myself.

I looked up the definition of Hope. For the most part it means wanting something to happen to a great degree. Obviously in most cases we want something good to happen. When I used it I meant it in regards to love and opportunity.

I’m sure we have all seen what hopeless is like. Just the opposite - nothing to look forward to. I’ve been there at times in my life, and I have not enjoyed it, nor do I want to go back there. I like it better when I have hope and facing the likelihood that things will happen. We don’t want to give people that; we want to give them more. Hope as in a future, possibilities, potential, life.

Proverbs 13:12 says it best – “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

I went on a mission’s trip to Africa a year and a half ago. The one thing I did notice amongst the people was that they had no hope. They had a survival mindset in that they would only worry and live for today. Now while some of that may be advisable, the way it is done there is detrimental. Detrimental by decisions made today hurt them for tomorrow or in the future. The focus was on getting only enough food today (somehow) that opportunities were missed on how to keep on getting food going forward.

However, when some of the ladies were educated and taught to think differently, more business savvy, they suddenly were doing things differently and had different outcomes. The end result was also hope. I also noticed that the kids seemed to have high hopes of what they could be when they grow up; interesting. I suppose their hopes had not been squashed by realities of adulthood.

But there is more than hope on this earth. We need hope that things will be better than what is here. Hope that we were created for so much more than what we hear in society, that we have a purpose and a reason for being here.

Someone took our punishment for what was rightly ours to take and in the end has given us hope.

Hope.

Wanted

I have been reading some heart wrenching stories about abortion and how the baby ended up living, however medical personnel would not attend to help this baby live because the baby was simply was not wanted. Wow how sad. 

I remember when Prince William and Kate were pregnant and how the media referred to this as the royal baby. My sister made the comment, “Interesting when the baby is wanted it is referred as a baby, when they are not then it is referred to as a fetus.” Yikes! She does have a point though.

However, it really does not stop there.

Many babies who were brought full-term have been left abandoned in all countries around the world. I went on a Mission’s trip where we searched a dump site where babies were left abandoned to die there. The organization I went with is rescuing these babies and giving them an opportunity to live. But it does not just happen in developing nations, it even happens in developed nations.

Then I realize how our world views human life. Some seem so disposable. Others are so portrayed. It seems to depend on how much a person contributes. The bigger the name the more we hear about that person after they have passed.

Now don’t misunderstand me here. There are a lot of folks who have done amazing things here in the world who do deserve proper recognition. However it’s those who have had such a bad rap in the media are suddenly receiving many news and stories as soon as they pass.

But there are so many people who have passed that the world will never even know they existed. I think of the many aborted babies, refugees, orphans, desperate women, lonely seniors; and these only really scratch the surface.

I do find it interesting the value of a life and what our world considers. Somehow we are not all on the same playing field. A life is a life that deserves life doesn’t matter anymore. It matters who you are in the worlds eyes (apparently) and if you are wanted.

Thankfully I have a Saviour who died for everyone, not just the elite. Thankfully I have a God who loves us all the same, values life and understands that a life is a life that deserves life. And the most exciting part is that we were always WANTED. God always wanted us, He wants a relationship with us and He wants what is best for us.

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/this-is-so-hard.-oh-god-its-so-hard-nurses-tell-of-aborted-babies-born-aliv

http://www.homeofhope.ca/

Busyness

Busyness is a funny thing.

I’ve used it as a form of comfort. While waiting during my adoption process close to the end I couldn’t just sit and wait anymore. Waiting made me think and thinking, well it just stirred up emotions. So I would keep busy doing things for the process or doing other things just to feel like I was accomplishing something (even if I wasn’t exactly) or to keep my mind off of things.

It has been used as an excuse. Whenever we do not really want to meet up with someone or it is just simply not a priority, we attribute it to being busy. I suppose that is an easier reason to swallow than to hear, “I don’t want to spend the time with you because I have other more important priorities.” Whether we are busy or not, we all know deep down that if the person was a priority we would make the time for them.

We sometimes feel important, successful or accomplished with it. If we are busy we think we are important with all the things we are doing. Of course we do not usually just leave it at that; we like to brag to others what we are doing and how important we really are.

Perhaps we equate being busy means we are not lazy. However there are many folks out there who are not busy but they are not lazy as well. Balance is always key.

And sometimes it is simply because we have committed to too much. Many a times I thought I could handle one more thing, and when I let something go I noticed how much more time I had afterwards. Overcommitting is a huge problem as well.

I’ve also realized I have heard others say how busy they are and then I hear their schedules and I think to myself, “Really? That’s not busy.” I suppose it has to do with that some can handle more things going on in their lives than others. Others I have heard their schedules and I think, “Wow, how in the world do you fit all that in?” So there are obviously the extremes with it.

Over time I have realized that I need to make sure there is adequate time for things that are important. I need to spend the proper amount of time with my Lord, spend the right amount of time with my daughter, I need to try to get the right amount of sleep – well some sleep anyways, spend time with my family and later fit in enough time for my job. If I do overdo things, those are usually the areas that suffer as well.

Anger

Oh the things that makes us angry. Anger even occurs in the littlest of beings on this earth.

But I have realized the difference between righteous anger and selfish anger; and I have experienced both.

I remember one specific time I experienced righteous anger. I was sitting at my computer and saw a news flash online about someone harming a young child in a very illegal and exposing kind of way. It made me angry at the injustice toward these little ones, how they have no way to defend themselves. However, just as quick the anger came, it subsided just as quickly and the result of it put a desire for me to be active in some way to help and prevent more stories like this one.

With selfish anger, the anger takes longer to subside. And often times if I reflect on what made me so angry I notice I start boiling up again. Unlike righteous anger I do not want to help the cause, I want to help me and focus and reflect on how much I was wronged.

It’s the selfish anger that causes us to sin and to do foolish things.

Psalm 106:33 - They made Moses angry, and he spoke foolishly. (NLT)

Here is one example how someone in scripture let his anger get the best of him and did a foolish mistake. The other cool thing here is that Moses was punished for his foolish anger, just like we have been. We may not be punished to his extreme, but when we are foolish in our anger we do experience some kind of consequence. Perhaps a rebuke from someone, a broken relationship, some kind of financial hardship, or worse; but we do experience some kind of “punishment” when we are foolish in our selfish anger.

My dad gave me some wise advice before I became a parent. He said if I react to my child’s behaviour when I get angry, I have let the behaviour get too far. I need to stop the behaviour before it gets to that point. After reading books I realized that responding to a child’s behaviour out of anger only teaches them to fear you and learn how far they can push you, it does not teach them anything constructive. It’s about stopping their bad behaviour not about when we become angry.

Yes we need to learn how to control our selfish anger, I agree with that. However I think it needs to go deeper than that. I think we need to find our triggers and work on those. When it comes to selfish anger, guaranteed the triggers usually have to do with our own selfishness over someone else pushing our buttons. Yes I do agree that people do push our buttons accidentally or on purpose, but that still does not give us a justified reason to explode.

The Art of Debate

I find it kind of funny the moment we seem to disagree with someone we automatically have to start stating our point of view and debating with the other thinking it will change their mind. How often does that happen?

I’m an avoider of conflict. I prefer when everyone is in happy unison and we can all get along. Or at the very least, get over ourselves and just let issues go. However having said, I have had people very intensely, very firmly state their opinion to me thinking the louder they are the more likely it is to change my mind. Honestly, in those situations all I want to do is quickly end the conversation and move on elsewhere and I plan on keeping the opinions I once had. Those methods have never worked to change my mind.

The thing that would change my mind about issues is just regular conversation and someone brings up something and says what happened to them and why they believe what they do. It’s the real conversations. In these conversations I can sit quietly by and empathize with the person and then go home and reflect on what they said. Once I do the reflecting and rethinking it is then that I may change my opinion a little bit to what it once was.

Reading is another way I change my opinions. Its gentle and I can read and either disagree about something or reflect as to reasons why to agree.

The other thing that changes my opinion on issues is experience. I have had many opinions about the way things are going to be (parenthood for example) only to find once in it, it’s not the way I thought it would be. Experience is a good teacher.

And of course there is God changing my heart about something. That would be the final piece. I have often found in situations me speaking up does not do a world of good. However when I go home and take it to prayer and come back to these situations, I am more than amazed how things have changed. That’s exterior, but I do know that it has happened in my life as well by others praying for me.

So I do have opinions and sometimes want to beat them over someone else’s head to change their mind. But then I have to step back and realize that if that does not work for me, perhaps it is not going to work for them either. Intense situations are never the way to go. Gentleness and prayer are. As Proverbs 15:15 says – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Plus I need to realize, what is the real goal for me to change people’s mind? Is it so they think like me? So they will see how right I am? Is it to prove how wrong they were? Or is it to have them see things from a different point of view and adjust their mind frame accordingly?

Sometimes we get so focused on our opinion stance we forget to give compassion towards the person who we are giving our opinion to. If we are giving our opinion to them about a certain situation, we sometimes should step back and offer compassion first. Our opinions are really not all that important compared to a person.

Since none of us know everything, it is good if we can still learn and not get so hard headed. It’s also good to not think that everyone is wrong about everything all the time. We need to have a soft heart and learn to filter in what we need to learn and filter out what we need to discard.