Singleness

I have been recently reading other blogs on singleness. Some are written by single people and while I do relate with some of the things they say, others not so much. Other blogs on the subject are written by married people, which is always a little interesting getting a take on the single life from a married person.

I am sure at one time or another I have heard all the phrases or the intrusive questions. “God has someone picked out for you.” “He will give you the desires of your heart.” “You need to be content being single before God will bless you with a spouse.” “Do you have a boyfriend?” “How’s the dating going?” “Why don’t you try dating so and so?” “I have someone just in mind for you.” “What’s wrong with you?” And on and on it goes. (Please do not be offended if you gave me one of those answers – unless it’s the last one – as I am only expressing what I have heard and lumping them altogether. I understand that some of those comments are meant for comfort).

I sometimes honestly think it would be way easier to live the single life without the pressure from the outside world. I also do find it hard to find where I fit in exactly when attending church. Before I had my kid, I was single and childless. I do have married friends but our lives were a bit different as they were married and had kids and somehow there was this unrelateableness to it on both ends. Now that I do have a daughter, I do have a family, however it is not the “ideal” family and because I do not have a spouse there is still that barrier.

I have dated and had relationships. To date none have worked. Yes I realize one common denominator in each of these relationships is me. I get that and I am continually striving to better myself to be the right spouse for someone if the time comes. Yes I said “if”. When I was younger I used to say the “when” statements, but as time keeps trucking on by and I get older, I sometimes wonder and reflect about what God is really calling me to do.

I have heard from other older singles than me that it seems people give up on the statements about getting married because they simply do not think it is going to happen anymore. I am not sure if that makes things easier or harder; easier in the sense that the pressure is gone but harder because people have simply given up on the idea.

I have also read and heard how others can help singles and how singles should use themselves to bless others. Sure those are all great. But it appears it is the married people telling the singles what to do and vice versa. Perhaps it would be easier to hear it from someone who is in a similar state.

I try to live my life to the fullest regardless of the fact if I have a spouse or not. I have put a couple things on hold or was willing to give up when I was in a relationship with a guy because the person I was with I thought I would marry someday. Now that those relationships have come and gone I have realized that was not the right thing to do. I have also learned that because I am single does not mean I am incapable of doing things. I do not put my life on hold and wait for my “knight in shining armor.” God can use me just as much in my singleness as He can use me if I was married.

As far as advice about fitting in with the married folk, I am probably not the right person to ask that. I really do not know. We can do things to perhaps help ease the pain, but I have found that doing those things does not make the pain dissipate completely. Yes we can continually give this to God and I do on a regular basis. But the other thing I think we can do is not see being single as a curse and ignore the critics who think it is.