From One Mom to Another

I remember while I was waiting for my adoption to go through and I would visit people with kids and they made mention of how hard it is with their kids and raising them. At the time, I think I misunderstood it and thought it sounded like regret on their part for having kids, which made me a little upset deep down as this was something I was so longing for.

However, now being a mom, I see where they are coming from. Yes raising kids is hard work and not always enjoyable but they, like me, would not trade in their kids for anything. I was asked if I was glad I adopted my daughter and I said I was. Sure thoughts of some of the struggles swooped into my mind, but overall, it has been the best thing and I would not trade it.

I recently went shopping and as I was going into the store I saw a mom with three kids (probably 4, 2 and infant) walking out of the store yelling. She was definitely frustrated and by the context it seemed the kids were misbehaving while in the store. Since I only saw the tail end of it I cannot give a proper perspective on things. But I do know once it seems we reach that fuse point, no matter what anybody does (especially our kids) we are just going to blow a gasket. I felt bad for that frustrated mom and bad for the kiddos as well. The kids looked taken care of so I’m guessing it was just a bad day. I’m sure at that moment she was not enjoying her kids and found motherhood hard.

I also realized in public areas to watch what I’m doing because people are watching me.

When I was in the waiting period of my adoption and hearing others talk about their struggles with their kids (as the kids were all younger), I was also talking to my Grandma. She being old and widowed told me on a number of occasions when I visited her, “I don’t know where I would be today if I did not have my kids.” I reflected with her and realized how true that was. My Dad and my Aunt helped her in numerous ways the last 10 years of her life.

So both perspectives have helped me to see that when you are in the moment you sometimes forget about the big picture. However I want a relationship with my daughter and not just go through the motions of raising her. With the relationship it helps me to get to know her and know when she is going to push me to my limits, or when she is genuinely scared or hurt, or when is the time to just laugh together, or a good teaching moment, etc., etc. And listening to my Grandma has made me realize that how I treat my daughter today and every day is a good indicator of how she will treat me in the future.

Until she is an adult I have realized that parenthood is not convenient. Going to appointments for me is a lot more interesting when she tags along. Going to appointments for her is also interesting. Leaving the house takes more preparation and getting ready takes twice (or more) as long as it once did. I step on toys regularly, have an automatic alarm clock and are shown areas that need to be baby proofed properly. But this home is her home too, and she is living in it like I am as well.

I’ve also noticed how some childless folks want kids only for the accessory. When talking about kids, it’s as if you are picturing the 8 or 10 year old and having wonderful moments together. Not a thought is given to the process of getting the 8 or 10 year old to that point or a thought about the years after (teen years). When wanting kids we think only of the glamorous moments.

Yes in raising kids there are those moments, but there are also many not so glamorous moments. I experienced, when I started parenthood, the big difference between hanging out with kids for a few hours and the 24/7 with one. Hanging out with kids for a few hours you get to experience only the good and fun moments (well at least you can ship them off to their parents when a bad one festers) while with 24/7 you are in it for the long haul and are now the one who gets the child shipped to. Still wouldn’t trade it in for anything though.

The other thing I have noticed is the patience other mothers have. I think for the most part we have all embraced that doing anything will just take that much longer with a little one(s).

I recently went grocery shopping and took advantage of the parents with children parking spots. When I was completed my shopping and out to my car, there were two moms unloading as well, each on either side of me. I was blocking one mom from getting her baby into the car as I was putting mine in and then I started my car to keep her warm. She was fine with how long it took.

So even though parenthood is trying at times, it definitely teaches us and, if we let it, makes us better people. And even though those precious little ones are trying at times, they are so worth it!