Draining or Rejuvenating

I have been in friendships where when I visit with them and leave I feel absolutely rejuvenated, refreshed and ready to conquer the next challenge life will throw at me. However, there are other people out there who are simply draining. I do not consider these friendships as in my mind that is not what a real friendship is. When one party leaves these visits feeling drained and exhausted by the end; that is something I consider unhealthy. I have had these in my life as well.

The thing I’ve noticed is that unhealthy people do not realize they are unhealthy. They are acting and doing things according to the only way they know how. I know before anyone knew Christ we did not realize we were unhealthy and needed a Saviour.

I realize once we become Christians we still all have sins to work through whether we are aware of them or not. Where growth comes in is when we recognize where we need to change, repent of it and work to change it. I know it is easy to fall into old patterns, but we need to recognize those as well and continue to work on it instead of throwing out excuses.

I have taken many parenting type classes since I started my adoption process. It is true that unhealthy parents usually produce unhealthy kids. Parents who do not know how to relate properly portray this unto their kids. Then these kids grow up and the cycle repeats itself (unless someone breaks the cycle). Now that I have my daughter I see the importance (more so) of having a healthy relationship with her and raising her to be a healthy adult.

As a parent I desire my daughter to have healthy friendships. I also see that is what my parents’ desire for me as well no matter what age I am. The only difference is I can create parameters for the unhealthy relationships she develops whereas my parents can only give me advice on such. Once my daughter is an adult, I will then fall back into the only being able to give advice. The reason as parents we desire healthy friendships for our kids, is that we recognize the influence of a healthy and unhealthy relationships can have on them. It’s easier to discern this with our kids’ lives then it is in our relationships.

I’ve heard it mentioned to surround yourself with healthy friendships and I do believe that is a great plan. Healthy friendships can offer genuine support when needed, help each other to be accountable when needed and can call out an offense (properly) when needed.

But what is the proper response to these unhealthy relationships? It seems those individuals believe it is friendship; however I am not so sure. I see Jesus calling out the Pharisees many a times but He was never good friends with them. Perhaps He was with Nicodemus but that would have come after Nicodemus’ transformation. I’m sure many people may have told their deepest thoughts and feelings to Jesus, but I’m also sure there were not too many people who Jesus told His deepest thoughts and feelings to (while on this earth), which is what a true friend is. I know His closest friend on earth was the disciple John. Many people only wanted association with Jesus for His healing power or to give them something, not desiring to reciprocate back. At times He called those people out on this. 

So just because people may have shared their entire hearts with Jesus, it does not mean He equally reciprocated with them. The thing I notice is Jesus gave everyone the proper attention they deserved. By proper I do not mean that it was always necessarily what that person wanted, but what was best for them.

My personal goal is to strive what Jesus did. To first is to be that healthy individual so that people do not see me as a draining source and a dread to be around. Second is to develop and have a healthy relationship with my daughter (and any other children I may have) and to teach her (them) how to be healthy individuals. Third is to continually seek and learn so I can treat unhealthy individuals as Jesus did.